We had several conversations today that went something like this:
The first: (while sitting on the back deck, on a towel with a tray eating lunch. You insisted that we eat outside, and I'm so glad I gave in. It is a wonderful fall day.)
T: "Mommyeh, the moon...high in the sky...can't touch it."
M: "It's pretty high, huh? Do you think a bird can touch the moon?"
T: "Yeah, a bird touch the moon."
T: "Eat mommyeh! Eat!"
M: "I'm full. I'm all done."
T: "Can I have it?"
The Third: (in our bedroom...you found the first two referral pictures we received of you and were staring at them.)
T: "Gunyea sad...Gunyea sad...birth mom bye bye."
M: I just watched and listened, as this was the first time you'd brought this up on your own.
M: "We have a picture of birth mom. Do you want to look at her picture?"
(I brought a picture upstairs the one where she is holding you for the last time.)
M: "Birthmom and Gunyea." (pointing at both.) "Do you want to give her a kiss?"
(You kissed her picture then you kissed yourself.)
(I proceeded to watch you look at the photo.)
T: "Birthmom went bye bye, Gunyea sad...mommyeh (pointing at her picture)."
T: "Ababayeh?" (so we looked at a picture of the three of us and you talked about Ababayeh.)
Taryn came upstairs and I asked you to tell Taryn what you were talking about. You said, "Birth mom went bye bye, gotta find her."
(I'm not sure if you were asking about your biological Ababayeh. It seemed like you may have been. It was pretty clear to me that you referred to "birth mom" as "Mommyeh," which made my heart sink a bit b/c I'd never heard you make the connection. (I may have been a bit jealous too.) Taryn and I looked at each other and I started to tear up a bit when you said you "gotta find her." I really hope we find her some day for you, as I'd imagine you will desire this when you're older.
I think you made some real connections today to your past. I was reminded that we will continue to grieve, but also rejoice as you grow and understand what life has taken you through.
Lord, have mercy on Tegegne's birth family today.
P.S. We proceeded with the best kiss and tickle session we've had in a while...and you are now wanting more of my time, so I better go...play with you and cook the pot pie we are having for dinner!