Featured Friend: Friday

Enjoying your Friday? Let me introduce you to my dear friend, Mimi. I first met her when we started going to Jacob's Well Church like six years ago. Michael and I helped with the grade school kids program, which Mimi led. She is a genuine spirit, and I've always looked to her for wisdom. Since back home from New Zealand she and I have had fun design meetings, collaborating on revamping kid spaces at church. I just love hanging out with Mimi. Her friendship is such a blessing. Here are her answers to some of my questions. 

1. First off, will you introduce yourself and your family to us?

Hi. I am Mimi Keel. Tim is my partner in life. We met in Journalism class at Shawnee Mission East High School a few years ago. Mabry (19), Annie (16), and Blaise (11) are our three great kids. They continually teach us and enrich our lives. We connect around the dinner table, playing Settlers of Catan, and watching Lord of The Rings & Jayhawk basketball.

2. Mimi, you've spent the past several years in New Zealand with your family. Will you tell us why that was so great for your family? Any special memories you'd like to share about your time there?

Moving to New Zealand was a great adventure that knit our family together in special ways! Everything was new- location, house, school, people, friends, food, ocean :), accents, driving, cars, church….Being away from all things familiar caused us to rely more on each other and on God. 

I found the people of NZ to be refreshingly happy and humble. Kiwis are very hospitable, enjoying tea time 3-4 times a day. They don't ever seem to be in a hurry, always having time to chat over a cup of tea. I learned a lot from their positive and unhurried posture in life. It always brought a smile to my face when the grocery clerk would end our interaction at the check out with "Thanks, Love." 

3. What did you notice that was different about parenting in New Zealand versus parenting in the U.S.? 

Whenever I went grocery shopping, I was struck by the way parents spoke to their children. I don't think I ever heard a parent speak in a cross tone. I sensed a deep respect and joy for children. It was always, "Good onya' Imogene" or "That was gorgeous, Love." And even when a child was a bit unruly, I'd hear, "Oh, Love, let's settle a wee bit."

3. You have much wisdom when it comes to spiritual formation in children. Is there a practical idea or two you could share with us that we can do with our children at home?

Practice and pursue our own personal lives in God first. Know that the Holy Spirit is alive and active in the life(lives) of our children. Let the Holy Spirit lead us as we live out our faith with our children. Ask a lot of questions. Learn together.

Read, act out, and play in the stories of God as told in the scriptures. Share conversation, ask questions, and share reflections as you play. Two primary questions- 1)What is God like? How does He show Himself in this story? Or in your day? (Is He strong? Patient? Loving?) 

2) What about the other people in the story? Have you felt that way before?

God Sightings- God is at work all around us. At the beginning of the day, invite everyone in your family to God-Sighting, where everyone looks for God's creativity or love in their day. Come back at dinner and share one place where you saw or felt God's work or presence.

4. What else are you passionate about?

I love to exercise. It's great for my emotional health. I like classes at the YMCA- kick boxing, yoga, spin, boot camp.

I like to bike and enjoyed jogs along the coast by our house in Auckland.

5. Where do you go to have some r & r?

Each season, I enjoy joining the sisters in Clyde, Missouri at their monastery for retreat. I am renewed by praying and singing the psalms with them during their prayer times. And it's a beautiful place out in the country... 

6. Any books or movies you'd like to recommend?

Book - The Gift of An Ordinary Day, by Katrina Kenison

Movie -  Chasing Mavericks Movie- We saw it as a family and everyone loved it.  Probably for 7 year old and up….

Thanks for sharing with us, Mimi! 

Enjoy your pre-Christmas weekend everyone! May God's peace be with us as we anticipate Jesus!

Conversations: With Tegegne

All of us in the car talking about who knows what and you, Tegegne, speak up:

T: Ababayeh, I don't want to be chocolate anymore. I want to be vanilla like you guys and Hensley.
(I teared up right away at the sound of those words, but you didn't know. Michael and I looked at each other. He mentioned that we should try to get you some black friends. I don't remember exactly what he said to you then, but since then Michael has been speaking life into you. Talking with you about who you are, and why that is so special.)

Dear Tegegne, 

We love you so much. You are becoming more aware of your surroundings, the color of your skin and how it differs from the rest of our family. You've mentioned several times that we should adopt another "chocolate" kid into the family. Actually the other day you mentioned that we should adopt 1,000 kids but then you laughed and said that would be too many diapers. (Remember that we were in the process of adopting 2 more Africans in to our family last year? But then God had another plan. And that other plan was your little brother, Fields, who is currently 1 month old. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't trade him for anything.) 

This afternoon our dear friends, the Welches, took you and Hensley out to lunch, for ice cream, and to the park. Katie mentioned that when you were at the park a little girl asked if Hensley was your sister. You said "Yes," and the girl replied, "No she's not...you're brown." You said, "Yes, she is my sister!" I'm not sure how the rest of the discussion went, but you were obviously frustrated with the girl and you did not want Katie to talk to her.

 We love you, Tegegne. We ask for God's grace on our journey together as we have have these encounters with people and as we have important life discussions. I just read this article by Marcus Samuelsson, who was an Ethiopian kid with white Swedish parents. I plan to read White Parents, Black Children to gain more perspective on transracial adoption. I have so much I want to write, and we will all learn so much as the years go by. But for now, I want to pray for you.

Dear God, 

We love your plan for our family, and that it included our precious son, Tegegne, as our first child. We love that he is Ethiopian. We love that you knit him together in birth mom's womb, and that you care deeply for him. Please be with him. Speak truth to him when others ask him questions and we are not around. Give him confidence in our family and in his own skin. Show us when to embrace his culture and when to just let him be. Your love covers a multitude of sins. You do not look at us as man does. Man looks at our outward appearance, but you look at our hearts.

Amen.

And on a light hearted note you said this last night...


T: Mom, will your hair ever change?
M: I don't know, what do you mean?
T: Will it turn white, like when you're 60?

(Highlight of my weekend: Dancing with you while the band played. And my date with your dear 'ol dad.)

Person: A-Lity

Are you a day dreamer? Or does daydreaming frighten you because it often sends security right out the door? Or maybe you need to understand everything before a grand idea can come about. Does daydreaming seem like a waste of time because you are motivated by productivity and success?


Michael learned quickly that I love change, daydream often, get carried away, and get reeled back in (by him!), and we continue on. I am an adventurer. Motivated by the need to be happy and plan enjoyable activities, to contribute to the world, and to avoid suffering and pain. 


Do you feel like you know yourself and the personalities of those around you? It was so good for me to realize that just because I constantly want to plan enjoyable activities, doesn't mean everyone else wants to attend them! It is quite good to have peaceful evenings at home.


Being married, I find it so helpful when I consider Michael's personality along with my own as we do life together. Then there is our children's personalities. We are really seeing Tegegne's come forth lately! Michael noted that it's so interesting that we do not know the genes or personalities of his birth parents. He realized this as he sees Hensley do things just as he did at her age. 


I must take time to stop and think. 


Kristyn


(These thoughts were empowered by the Enneagram. photo.) 

Dear Tegegne: Hi Kid!

Dear Tegegne,


Hi there. I'll start by saying what Olivia's mom says, "You wear me out, but I love you." You are so thoughtful, intuitive, funny, and wild, strong-willed, and full of life! Friends say you are mellowing out a bit. You can entertain yourself, and I appreciate that. If I don't stick to my effective "timeout" 1-2-3 counting, I'll find myself in a discussion with you that is not necessary. I must remember, even though I count a lot, that it's still the most effective way of discipline. 


You and Ababayeh rode bikes along all of Cliff Drive the other night. He was so proud of you. Many hours have been spent in your sandbox already. You love that thing. I don't record our conversations that often, but like most kids your age you say lots of funny things. 


Here's a bit from this morning:


T: "Penguins make a circle so they can get cool! They just come together..."


T: "Mom, what if I had a "deck" on my back? 
M: "A duck?"
T: "No, a deck! Like Ababayeh is going to build in the back yard."
M: "Oh, well I guess people would walk on your back."
T: "But not without asking first, right?"


T: "If you were a chocolate mommy, Fields would be chocolate, right?"


M: "Tegegne, what is the rule with Hensley on the stairs?"
T: "Not to touch her...but I was just helping her. She was in danger."


T: "I can't wait to go to the swimming pool and meet Ababayeh there!"


We love you son,


Mom

Bicycle Basket: Kids Books

Here was our most recent library stack...

Hensley LOVES this one...

This book is awesome! Read it! 

Humorous book!

Pete the Cat, of course...

And we've got this NEW one on hold...

What I'm Reading: Getting Kids to Eat!

Hi there! So, I'm really going to summarize this topic since my post-spring break house is bloating with chores. I'm just so excited to share about this because we are trying it and it is working!

So what is it, you ask? Well, in Bringing Up Bebe, Pamela Druckerman talks about French kids and food. She researches how they are good little eaters who do not throw food, and will eat a wide range of foods. They can even sit through 4 course meals at a restaurant! (Seriously...no way!)

The first idea regards snack time. French kids eat breakfast, lunch, an afternoon snack at 4pm (a goûter), and dinner. No other snack times. So when they sit down for meals, they are actually hungry. And the goûter is a special time, where they sometimes have visitors to enjoy the snack with. Druckerman tells a story of a mother and daughter who were out late morning and picked up a pastry. They had already eaten breakfast, and when they purchased the pastry the little girl knew that she would get to eat it during the goûter at 4:00. She didn't even ask her mother if she could eat it that moment.  In the US we allow kids (myself included) to eat what they want, when they want. 

The kids and I have been doing this, and it is going so well! We do our snack at 3:00 and dinner around 6:30.  I remind Tegegne to make sure he is full at meal time. And we totally look forward to 3:00 and really make it an enjoyable time to snack together. He still asks for snacks at other times, but I remind him that he can have it at 3:00. He is getting used to the idea. Our neighbor gave him a large packaged muffin (ha!) yesterday and he immediately said, "Mommy, I want this for my 3:00 snack!" 

The second idea is what meal time looks like, and how, and what is offered. In France, preschool is free and quite good. There is one committee in Paris who makes the meal plan for all of the public preschools in Paris. Druckerman sat in on one of these meetings and was in awe of what was on the menu. Each meal is in four courses. They start with a vegetable. (This is genius, btw.) One of the meals they planned was a follows. Chopped tomato with balsamic drizzle, a nicely prepared fish for the second course, blue cheese for the third course, and fruit for dessert. (Can you believe that?!) Each preschool has a chef, and the food is nicely prepared and presented. They also find it important to describe the food to the children, offer them a variety of foods, and reintroduce things often.

I have also been doing this with Tegegne and Hensley and it is fabulous!!! I'm giddy about it and hope to keep it up! Hopefully, we can continue to eat this way as a family. Tegegne has been so excited to eat the first course and see what is next! He also asked me to describe the food again so he could tell Hensley! It is easy and so fun. As far as meal planning, I've just got to make sure we have fresh vegetables, a protein, and fruit or yogurt.

Here's what they ate last night. For the starter, chopped red and yellow pepper and broccoli with a poppy seed drizzle ((I tried to make it sound fancy! ), rotisserie chicken with barbecue drops, and apple, pineapple, strawberry, and grapes chopped with a dollop of Greek yogurt with an agave nectar drizzle. In the book she notes that the child must try the food, but they do not force them to eat everything. Hensley tried several pieces of the vegetables, ate all of the chicken (which she had refused previously), and of course LOVED dessert! Due to the lack of fine cheeses at a reasonable price, we are sticking to 3 courses! We have a large stack of small melamine plates, that works great for courses.

Other things she mentioned...during the week young children eat around 6:30 and go to bed (or to their room to play), then the parents do mealtime alone! Weekends are for family dinners! They also bake with their young children most Saturdays. They stress the importance of having the child help prepare the meal in some fashion (or at least setting the table), so they will be much more excited about eating it. If they don't sit down and enjoy a meal, it doesn't count in France. They do not eat on the go like Americans do.

What these basic rules do for children is so valuable. They grasp patience, and do not have the mentality that they get what they want whenever and however. 

I know it is not easy to enforce these ideas when those around us are eating snacks at 10 or 11am, but we've been doing it and will continue.

Ha, so much for making this short. Thanks for reading, and if you are intrigued at all I'd love to talk more about it...and I'd highly recommend the book!

(book, photo.)

What I'm Reading: And The Pause

Bringing Up Bebe - The Pause

So, I’m going to attempt to summarize a few of Pamela Druckerman’s findings as she researched parenting in France, specifically Paris, in her book Bringing Up Bebe. The first of which she named, The Pause.

A few weeks after she and her husband brought their daughter “Bean” home, neighbors on her courtyard began asking if Bean was “doing her nights?” What they meant was, is she sleeping through the night? She felt quite irritated by this question, and then she realized that culturally it’s a hot topic.

A lot of parents she knew in the US don’t get a good nights sleep until their child is about a year old. This idea is absurd to French parents. They realize that allowing a child to learn to sleep is doing the child a favor. So she looks into how they go about this. Many of the mothers she talks with say they just listen to their child. It’s a natural rhythm. They speak of being very observant with their children. She later finds that they have certain “unspoken rules” that are just a given to them. She terms it “La Pause.” When your baby is born, don’t just go to them at their every move. Even from birth, give them a moment to self-soothe. A mother isn’t strictly “observing” if she jumps up and holds the baby the moment he cries. Young babies make a lot of movements and noise while they’re sleeping. This is normal and fine.

Another reason for pausing is that babies wake up between their sleep cycles, which lasts about two hours. It’s normal for them to cry a bit when they’re first learning to connect these cycles. If a parent interprets this cry as a demand for food or a sign of distress and rushes in to soothe the baby, the baby will have a hard time learning to connect the cycles on his own.

Alexandra, whose daughters slept through the night while they were still in the hospital, says that of course she didn’t rush over to them the second they cried. She sometimes waited five or ten minutes before picking them up. She wanted to see whether they needed to fall back to sleep between sleep cycles or whether something else was bothering them: hunger, a dirty diaper, or just anxiety.

Alexandra--who wears her curly blond hair in a ponytail--looks like a cross between an earth mother and a high school cheerleader. She’s extremely warm. She wasn’t ignoring her newborn babies. To the contrary, she was carefully observing them. She trusted that when they cried, they were telling her something. During The Pause, she watched and listened. (She adds that there’s another reason for The Pause: “to teach them patience.”)


Most of the French babies sleep through the night by 4 months, and if not, at that point the pediatrician recommends some version of crying it out.

French parents don’t have a name for The Pause, they just consider it common sense. They all seem to do it and to remind each other that it’s critical. It’s such a simple thing. It’s clearing out the clutter of competing ideas and focusing on one thing that truly makes a difference.


(book, photo.)


Hi, it's me again. I hesitated to "summarize" The Pause because there are more examples and further explanation in her book. I share it anyway because I love the simplicity in keeping the "sleeping baby topic" so basic. Happy sleep to you and your family!


Love,


Kristyn

What I'm Reading: Intro

I'm reading a book with a different cultural perspective on parenting, and I love it. (Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman) Pamela, a journalist in NY, fell in love and married a swarthy British man who lived in Paris. She moved to Paris, they had a daughter, and she realized that young children in Paris, and other parts of France were not having tantrums, and could sit quietly at a restaurant and eat with adults. She found this quite different from what she had seen in NY and writes this book with the answers to her questions. 


(I get really excited about what I'm learning, and that is why I share it with you.)


She writes:


"For me, the evenings are for the parents," one Parisian mother tells me. "My daughter can be with us if she wants, but it's adult time."


"Within a few hours of meeting him, I realized that "love at first sight" just means feeling immediately and extremely calm with someone. (She shares her love story. There is much more to the book than dry parenting advice.)


"By the end of our ruined beach holiday, I've decided to figure out what French parents are doing differently. Why don't French children throw food? And why aren't their parents shouting? What is the invisible, civilizing force that the French have harnessed?"


"...there's something about the way the French parents make it less of a grind and more of a pleasure."


I've read into the first several chapters, and what she has discovered appears to be common sense to the French parent, but in the U.S. we have so many perspectives and parenting-styles that we don't follow the same basic unspoken rules. I'm excited to share these simple concepts and hopefully put them into practice with my children. Stay tuned for simple and straight forward thoughts on sleeping, eating, the art of waiting, and her findings on Parisians very different (from women in the US) take on pregnancy!


(All italicized text from the book Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman, photo)

Fun with Photos: Instagram

We love using Instagram with our Ipad. Do you use it? Look us up at michaelivan5...it's so fun to follow friends by photos!

Books: For Wee Ones

Board books for babes:

Urban Babies Wear Black. Hilarious!

Yum Yum Dim Sum. I mean have you eaten dim sum style? It's so fun!

I Like Vegetables.

Caillou My Birth.

A Book of Sleep.

Plus, The Land of Nod features many darling books that we'll be adding to our library list. Children's books rock!

Love,
Mom

Books: For Kids

Some of Tegegne's and Mommy's Recent Reads:

How I Learned Geography. by Uri Shulevitz. Seriously good book for all. You've got to read it. 

George and Martha. Great stories of two friends. Love it!

How to Hug. "Used for preschoolers to learn the personal space of others." Ha! Tegegne, you're good at the lingering-hug-until-you-and-your-hugging-friend-fall-over, so this book was quite a necessary read!

Barack Obama Son of Promise, Child of Hope. A good book about your president's childhood, and vision of hope. Tegegne, you liked when he talks about getting an education because we often remind you that Birthmom wants you to get a good education. 

Another on our list:

The Lion and The Mouse. By Jerry Pinkney.

I Can Read! is a great resource for finding age appropriate books and tips for getting our kids to read. I need to look for more from this list!

We'd recommend becoming familiar with your cities library, where books are endless and free! Or, if you're into buying books, local bookstores are good too. Our favorite is Reading Reptile in Brookside!

Tegegne: Conversations + Life

Tegegne, you were such a darling little nugget with a huge noggin'! We love this photo that was on all of your embassy paperwork, and just framed your Ethiopian birth certificate in our kitchen. You still have a large forehead, and many shirts struggle to get over it. We love it. It has actually been months since you got a goose egg on your forehead, and I think we may be moving on! You are growing into a kind, funny, gentle boy, and of course you are still full of life. That energy is being used more productively these days, and we see you growing into a fine oldest brother role model kind of kid. This is not coming without much effort...timeouts and good discipline in love. : )

Mommy: "Tegegne, come here! Have you looked outside? It's a Magical Mystery kind of day!"

Tegegne: Don't say that moooommm....it's just fog.

(Last night was sad for our family...our dear friend Mike is no longer staying with us.)

Tegegne: "Don't woowwy mom! It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be here....but somedays I'll go to school  and I won't be here. Okay?"

Then during our dinnertime prayer you had one arm around me and one around your father. Hens was already sleeping. Your arm squeezed tightly around me and your little fingers were squeezing my shoulder, giving me a little massage. It was so kind. 

Tis the Season: For Good Books!

Who is Coming to Our House? by Joseph Slate and Ashley Wolff. Great board book...for Advent and preparing for Jesus!

The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats...We love this one...and it got a Caldacott Medal!

The Snow Globe Family by Jane O'Connor and S.D. Schinler...Cute and funny!

Stick Man by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheppler...Funny...Santa appears at the end of this book!

These are a few we've been reading lately, seasonally appropriate! If you are looking for a last minute gift for kids...go to your local bookstore! Reading is fun!

If in Kansas City, that would be The Reading Reptile. Love that place. They are so good at suggesting books! 

Chocolate Me! : By Taye Diggs

Thanks, Taye Diggs, for writing this book. Our family will most definitely be purchasing it. We also use the words chocolate and vanilla. As a "white" mom, it is tricky sometimes to know how to talk about differences and how often to do so. Tegegne is going to love this book!

Check Us Out: On Stella and Henry!

Megan with Stella and Henry featured us and our favorite kid items on Stella and Henry! Thanks for doing this Megan! It's so fun to see all of our favorite things! (Plus the fancy potty chair and Beaba Babycooker which we would love to own!)

Check it out here!

A Note From Everyone

Bookie Woogie

A Note from:


The Mom: I've enjoyed cooking dishes like this from my PInterest food boards (great cooking source!). I am currently trying to find the perfect peach to paint our bathroom, folding laundry, hanging with the children, and still reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I also enjoy our pool and picnic outings. 


The Dad: I'm guessing the best parts of his summer so far are talking with Hensley after school, (she seriously has a crush on him!) the Spin Pizza Group Ride, (best in the city!) evening chats with the neighbors, watching The Tour, throwing the football with this dude, meeting us at the pool after school, and today. Today is quite good. It's his last day to work until mid August!


The Little Guy:  Most recently you've been obsessed with carefully taking my earrings on and off. You gave me a foot rub this morning and used a ton of my Burts Bee's foot balm! You drink Ovaltine each morning. You spend half of the time at the pool under water. You are walking around saying "Talkin' Trash!" You've been enjoying the book A Teeny Tiny Baby. 


Our Teeny Tiny Baby: (She wanted to speak for herself.) Hi guys. My toofies weally huwt. I don't think anyone of you understand da pain. Tank God fow Humphwey's All Natuwal Teething Pewets. Sewiously, da thwobbing wakes me from my nap and makes me cwy. I'm usuawy happy. On the othew hand, I am looking fowawd to sowid foods. I can do tings like almost sit up, and watching you eat weally wooks fun. I ovewhewd you telling dad dat it may be another month and a half til I get to twy sowid food, and I tought, weally, dat's a long time to wait. I wuv the bath and pool and being a baby. Being a baby means the fans are always shooting towawds me! 

Relationships + Marriage: The Enneagram

Did you read the cartoon above? I LOVE it. It's SO true. Especially when in a large group, right? Everyone is visiting, but we often have a thought trailing in the back of our minds. I am giddy and excited about the Enneagram, which is an in-depth study on personalities. For now, I'm sticking with a simplified book (below) which I just ordered a copy of. 

As I visit with other wives I usually bring this book up, as there are several great things I learned about my hubby that has helped our marriage a ton. I've heard it said so often, "try to think of where they are coming from..." but if I don't know the voice in my husband's head, how can I possibly know how to think like him. Personalities are different.  Relationships take work. And when one needs advice it's often humbling or expensive to seek professional counseling. I'm way excited for my copy to come in the mail and I'll try to share tidbits in hopes to get you interested in the topic!

The Enneagram Made Easy, Co-Authored by Elizabeth Wagele and Renee Baron 

Eventually I'll look into the more-in-depth and Christian perspective from Richard Rohr.

Talk soon,

Kristyn