When We First Met: We Never Knew

Michael,

When we first met, we never knew...

...we would design and renovate houses together.
Better yet, you never knew I'd want to design and renovate more than one house together. 
We never knew we would have 3 kids by age 30.
We never knew that our children would be best friends and fight so much. (age 2 can be very difficult to work with!)
I never knew you would bake more chocolate chip cookies than Chips Ahoy.
You never knew (but only hoped) that I'd enjoy matching your bike socks.
You never knew that you could care more about hanging out with our family than going on a group ride.
I never knew what it looked like to dine on a dime, and make magic come out of the cupboards.

We never knew that going out to dinner together, just the two of us, would be a well sought luxury.

We never knew what was in store. In seasons of abundance and seasons of drought, I'm so thankful to be in the midst of learning what we never knew.

P.S. I was just wondering if in 20 years I'll be saying things like...

You never knew how gratified you would feel to bring me coffee in bed each morning.
We never knew how much we would enjoy our summer getaways to France.
We never knew that our small children would make such wonderful adults.
We never knew, in our 30's that when we waited so long to buy that "dream" house, that what really mattered was the journey...the dreaming...the exhaustion...the patience...and realizing that having each other is what matters most. And by golly, we can even make a run-of-the-mill shirtwaist house cool with a little time and money.

I really hope those summer getaways really happen.

Love,

Kris

photo.

A Connection: To Dirt, To Family

So I was just reflecting on the Lenten season and realized that since then I have been less "plugged in." I mean, I love reading others blogs and writing here and keeping up with fashion and design and new recipes via pinterest. Also love keeping up with friends photos on Instagram. It's all good, but a big part of me loves when I do less of that. What helps is a good book. And nice weather. And a conscious effort to be a good example to Tegegne, as I often tell him "no...he cannot play a game on the Ipad because it's a waste of time and he should be reading or playing instead..." 

I know eventually we should get smart phones, and maybe even an I phone...ooh, laa, la. But then again, I sort of like still having to write down directions and use my good instincts to get to where I need to go. Or do I? It would be really fun to have a nice camera on my phone. And video. 

There is just something about being connected to the real world, like reality, ya know? Makes me wanna go digging my toes into the dirt. I noticed the other day that I'm more productive when I'm barefoot. Is that funny? It's something about the feeling of my feet taking steps, the coolness of the hardwoods, the small crumbs from breakfast getting stuck to my feet that make me wanna sweep my floor. The day that my children (right now it's all Hensley) make less of a mess eating will be a glorious day. 

Speaking of Hensley, am pretty excited for you, Little Lady, to fall in love with underwear and realize that diapers are for babies. Two days ago I asked, "Hens, want to sit on the potty?" You replied, "Not today." Ha, not today! Your vocab is growing and it's so awesome. Not today was quite an honest answer. 

I guess you kids realize that I do expect you to read this blog someday. I better try to start making it into a book or something, just in case it would ever go away. I just love you kids so much, your dad and I do. And we hope that you can read and understand a bit more about your childhood. All the memories that you may be too young to recall...

Just last night we had some sweet backyard time. We had a Jones sandwich. It was Daddy, then Mommy (watch out kids!), then Tegegne, then Daddy's long arms reached and put Hensley on top. (Fields was sleeping already.) We opted not to go to the Arts District and walk around but have a back yard night. It was a stellar choice. It's funny, but you kids liked watching your dad and I cuddle. I know it's comforting when you know that mommy and daddy love each other very much. Tegegne you blush when we kiss in front of you, and we love it.

Once again, everyone in the house is asleep but me so I'd best get the memo. Tomorrow will be here before I know it and this is obviously the best time to catch up on sleep.

Love,

Mom 

A Strong Tree: And You and Me

Good day, Saturday. Family, most of you are resting soundly. Naps are rarely overlooked in our house, even for Tegegne. Prior to nap time, we watched The Little Rascals, one of the originals (1929) that we checked out from the library. I grew up watching a series of 4 VHS tapes and I loved them. That and a Shirley Temple set were well watched in my early years. 

Not sure where your pops is. That's what happens sometimes in a 3500 sf house! People go missing! I'm thinking he snuck in one of your rooms and is napping with you, but I'll dare not open the door to see! Or he's outside building a sculpture garden in the backyard.  

The past few days have woken up our city. That being the 70+ degrees! Seriously, it's like the whole city was breathing deeply, sighing and taking in the breeze as we reconnected with the great outdoors. Our backyard was hoppin'. Michael roared up the fire pit, we ate dinner 2 nights in a row on the back deck, and had some friends join us. He set up our outdoor sound system (which is not so fancy!). Life's been like a small teeny version of the resurrection. New life. Spring is near. 

I mean, really. Isn't it interesting how circumstances affect our being? A sunny day versus sleeting rain, a hug from a friend versus an angered driver that we just pulled in front of (oops!), a flat tire versus a new pair of socks. I read the words from Henri Nouwen below and was thinking...in the midst of life's ups and downs, it's good to be flexible while being deeply rooted...

Trees look strong compared with the wild reeds in the field.  But when the storm comes the trees are uprooted, whereas the wild reeds, while moved back and forth by the wind, remain rooted and are standing up again when the storm has calmed down.

Flexibility is a great virtue.  When we cling to our own positions and are not willing to let our hearts be moved back and forth a little by the ideas or actions of others, we may easily be broken.   Being like wild reeds does not mean being wishy-washy.  It means moving a little with the winds of the time while remaining solidly anchored in the ground.   A humorless, intense, opinionated rigidity about current issues might cause these issues to break our spirits and make us bitter people.  Let's be flexible while being deeply rooted.

The Virtue of Flexibility, by Henri Nouwen

Happy Birthday: To You (and me)

Born on the same day, you and me. Thirty years of life, ten together. Our life together is better and sometimes harder and often more wonderful than I ever could have imagined.  Life together, under God's provision, is rich and full. I love you.

(As I type Hensley has me putting on a birthday hat and is singing "Happy Birthday To You!" Tegegne said he is going to make me a card that says, "I will listen to you."
And Fields woke me before dawn to say Happy Birthday!

Here's a sweet pic of you and your pop thirty some years ago...

Can't wait for our special night out on the town! Thanks to our free babysitters Micah and Taryn and Eric and Erica! Tag team. The kids are going to have a fun night too!

P.S. I'm reading this book and am soooo loving it. 

Remembering: A Generous Act of Love

Thinking of this dear soul today and the unforgettable gift she gave our family. 

Advent: Peace with One Another

Advent 2012 - Week two.

Peace within ourselves.
Peace with one another.
Peace in our communities and nation.
Peace in the world.

Here's a thought from our friend (and pastor) regarding this season.

Advent – A time for Presence, Intention, and Sharing

by Tim Keel

I love this time of year. It is the season of Advent! It is a time when routines change, music changes, when people begin having parties – all in anticipation of Christmas. In proclaiming my love I might also be in the minority. Many people do not love this time of the year. They hope merely to survive. It’s easy to understand why. Christmas can be incredibly stressful and difficult for so many reasons.

Even so, it is a significant time of the year. Amidst all that swirls around us, there is a sense that something is different. I believe this is because Christmas isn’t a mere holiday. It is a holy day. There is a deep and true Center to our celebration that is rooted in the revelation of God. At Christmas, we proclaim that the Creator of the cosmos has made himself known by coming to us as a child, Jesus Christ. At long last, God is fulfilling his promise to come and dwell among his people once more, to bring healing and renewal to creation. Immanuel.

In coming to his people as a child, God reveals something about his nature and character that we often overlook. We learn that God’s nature is manifested not by independence and demonstrations of power, but through vulnerability and relationships. The good news is that the God of the universe comes to us as a person.

Anticipating that, we prepare to receive and worship that person – Jesus Christ – during Advent. Advent marks the beginning of the new year for the church. In the same way that our culture begins a new year with fresh resolutions, I want to invite Jacob’s Well to be thoughtful about how we prepare for Christmas this year – that our celebration of the arrival of God in Jesus Christ would reflect the Person whose birth we celebrate. And not just that, but that our actions during this season would reveal the Creator who has come to bring healing and renewal to his world.

To do that, I am challenging us this Advent to be present, to be intentional, and to share.

9.13.12: Welcome Fields Benjamin

Hi Sweet Baby Fields,

Life is quite good. Your birthing adventure hit a peak and now we are resting in the valley. We did it. With lots of support. You're here. We're tired, but have peace. I've been spoiled with special deliveries of chai lattes and cranberry orange scones two days in a row. You're enjoying eating as well, every 2.5 to 3 hours for 20 to 30 minutes. Your check ups have been good, and we're snuggling quite a bit. Twice now, we've had the family of 5 together and your dad and I love it. 

Joy, joy, joy deep down in my heart, deep down in my heart to stay!

Love, 

Mom 

All-Generous: And Blessed

For God is sheer beauty,
    all-generous in love,
    loyal always and ever.

Psalm 100:5, The Message

I've heard from Grandma Debby several times. This was a highlight:
"Tegegne wants to tell Ababayeh that he's running to train to be a policeman. You'll never believe how far he ran. The whole path of the back 40 (acres) and half of the front 40. We're following behind him very slowly in the Gator. Hensley loves cheering him on."

This message came before 9am the next morning:
"Tegegne's out running again! Stopped to catch a grass hopper, and off again!"

And some more shout outs to my peeps:
Thanks Aunt Donna, for taking another Trader Joes order!
Thanks Tara for dinner last night.
Thanks Cela for the visit this morning.
Thanks Jan for hanging out this afternoon.
Plus all of the dear folks that have made us meals and that are signing up to do so.


Blessed, I feel so blessed by God through all of you generous folks. We are so grateful. Thank you for taking care of our family. We love you.

Fields, we are now hours away from meeting you rather than days. Sweet anticipation. Your dad and I were talking about our anticipation when we met your brother, Tegegne. This is the same feeling, but quite different. You see, when meeting your brother we were in a foreign land in the back of a bus. We pulled up to this orphanage and knew he was inside. We wondered if he understood that he would meet us and we would be his parents. We sat in small chairs as we waited for our names to be called. Then they called us. We stood and watched as your cute big brother walked in those little black boots out to our arms. And we were smitten. Just as we will be when you are placed in our arms tomorrow. See you in the am baby boy.

Love, 

Mom

Dear Michael: Happy 7th Anniversary

Happy Anniversary, dear!  Seven years and a day ago we were skiing together at the lake! We were young and in love. Now we're almost 30, but we are still young and in love...just with a few miles under our belts.

Love you so much.

Kris

Person: A-Lity

Are you a day dreamer? Or does daydreaming frighten you because it often sends security right out the door? Or maybe you need to understand everything before a grand idea can come about. Does daydreaming seem like a waste of time because you are motivated by productivity and success?


Michael learned quickly that I love change, daydream often, get carried away, and get reeled back in (by him!), and we continue on. I am an adventurer. Motivated by the need to be happy and plan enjoyable activities, to contribute to the world, and to avoid suffering and pain. 


Do you feel like you know yourself and the personalities of those around you? It was so good for me to realize that just because I constantly want to plan enjoyable activities, doesn't mean everyone else wants to attend them! It is quite good to have peaceful evenings at home.


Being married, I find it so helpful when I consider Michael's personality along with my own as we do life together. Then there is our children's personalities. We are really seeing Tegegne's come forth lately! Michael noted that it's so interesting that we do not know the genes or personalities of his birth parents. He realized this as he sees Hensley do things just as he did at her age. 


I must take time to stop and think. 


Kristyn


(These thoughts were empowered by the Enneagram. photo.) 

Words: From the Heart

Words That Come From the Heart

Words that do not become flesh in us remain "just words."  They have no power to affect our lives.  If someone says,  "I love you," without any deep emotion, the words do more harm than good.  But if these same words are spoken from the heart, they can create new life.

It is important that we keep in touch with the source of our words.  Our great temptation is to become "pleasers," people who say the right words to please others but whose words have no roots in their interior lives.  We have to keep making sure our words are rooted in our hearts.  The best way to do that is in prayerful silence.

Henri Nouwen. photo.

Tag Team: Back Again

Not many things in life are more satisfying, more rich, more trying and tough, more full of hope and life than the sweet sweet bond of marriage. 

God is doing a good work in Michael and I, showing us that life together can be way good when we tap into the rich source of life in Jesus. I'd say getting through tough times isn't easy, but afterwards there is a new perspective, a deeper understanding, and enduring love. 

Parenthood has tried us the most, and brought us deep joy. Tonight we had a few simple moments that made us glad. Tegegne has a new favorite song, "You Make Beautiful Things" and he was singing it with all his heart in the back seat. And he then said, "God made us out of the dust!" On the way home from visiting a friend, Hensley was crying a sleepy cry. Often we are not excited to hear this, but tonight Michael pointed out the sweet sound of life coming through her little cry. We were comparing it to the first time we heard her cry. Pulled in the drive and did the usual, one-to-one carry the kids to bed routine, but again Michael pointed out how sweet it was. Sweet to have our children rest in our arms and trust us to carry them to their cozy beds and wish them a good night. 

Doing these things together, with Michael, makes all the difference. 

Tag team, back again.

Love,

Kristyn

P.S. (There ya go, Jacob and Nickie, a line item or two for your "pro's" list!) 

Living Life: More Simply

So this has been on the forefront of my mind as of late. That being "to simplify." Besides purging our goods for our upcoming yard sale, I think there is more to the idea. There are some pretty good life lessons in the posters above. 

It's twofold really. The parts that are more difficult (for me at least...)

listen and learn.

...where "they" need you right there (they being my family).

let it go.

make it work.

be content.

take time.

what matters most.

These come more easily to me but reminders are nice...

laugh and play.

relax and enjoy.

live in the sunshine.

dance.

giggle.

dream. (i'd say this one is the easiest.)

It's harder to attain these things when there are parts of our lives are difficult. The hopeful part of me knows that there is often blessing, peace, rejoicing, in the midst of or after the troubles. I must be looking for it though. The hope, that is. I've got to drop my bags and pursue it. So here's to hope, and simplicity.

Love,

Kristyn

Sweet Sweet: Motherhood

Oh my sweet, sweet children. I love ya. Thank you for being the reason I'm a mama. What a blessing and labor of love it is to lead you through this life.  Your dad and I are so grateful. 


Remember when we first met? 

Those first moments with you both are so memorable to your dad and I. Tegegne, they placed you in our arms and everything around us was cloudy, nothing else mattered at that moment. We were enthralled by you, and giddy, and amazed that you were our son! Hensley, your daddy brought you in and laid you on my chest and I was full. I was relieved...you made it through and so did I! You were tiny and beautiful and smelled sweet like a baby. 


Now may the Good Lord bless you and keep you. May his face shine upon you and may you receive his peace. 


God loves you.
God cares for you.
God blesses you.
God is with you.


Love,


Mommy (or Mommyeh yeh yeh...you used to cry out my name like that, Tegegne. It was so cute.)

Henri Nouwen: Hoarding

The Temptation to Hoard 

As fearful people we are inclined to develop a mind-set that makes us say:  "There's not enough food for everyone, so I better be sure I save enough for myself in case of emergency," or "There's not enough knowledge for everyone to enjoy; so I'd better keep my knowledge to myself, so no one else will use it" or "There's not enough love to give to everybody, so I'd better keep my friends for myself to prevent others from taking them away from me."   This is a scarcity mentality.  It involves hoarding whatever we have, fearful that we won't have enough to survive.  The tragedy, however, is that what you cling to ends up rotting in your hands.




Things exercise a certain tyranny over us. Whenever I am checking bags at an airport, I recall St. Teresa of Avila's wonderful prayer of praise, "Thank God for the things that I do not own." 
- The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris


So, I must be a hoarder if I have a hard time getting rid of stuff...right? I mean, I'm not like mega bad at it, but I have too much stuff and I dream of having little. Do you hoard, or are you one of those lovely organized and light weight people that I would love to be?


- Kristyn


(cartoon.)

Eating & Sleeping (Wink): Courses & Night Shirts!

So are we still eating meals in course, you ask? Yep. And I think it's a keeper. It's so simple.


Here's what we had today:


Course 1: Ants on a Log. (We were out of raisens, so our "ants" were dot sprinkles!)

Course 2. Tuna Melt. (Hensley took a few bites, but hey, she tried it.)

Course 3. Grapes. (Ours were not frozen, nor on a stick, but they totally should be next time! Yum!)

(photo.)

Here are the basic tips for meals in courses with kids:


Course 1: A Vegetable (They must try it. That's it. Introduce lots of vegetables, and reintroduce the same ones (maybe prepared differently) even if they "didn't like it the first time.")
Course 2: Something with protein
Course 3: Fruit and/or Yogurt, and if its a special day a cookie or two!


And if you're feeling fancy, or French, or something, throw in course 2.5...a bit of cheese. No, Velveeta doesn't count, I said fancy! 


Here's the real deal...this is not just for families with kids! Mealtime can be an excellent time to catch up with your spouse. Making it last longer, and eating at least 3 courses, will allow for this to happen!


Also, not a topic for kids...Joanna's tip on What Men Really want Women to Wear to Bed via Glamour. Just something to spice up all of this kid talk, because let's face it. When Mama and Daddy are happy, the kids will be happier too! 


(Food tips inspired by the book, Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman)

Conversations: Of Significance

Tonight was special. I was sending you to bed, Tegegne, and you reminded me to come to your bed with you to pray. I asked you what you wanted to pray for and you said, "that God would help Jesus come back to life." I then explained  to you that He did! That's when Jesus rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven. You asked, so Jesus is alive, and I said Yes! In Heaven with God. And his Holy Spirit is here with us. You said, "I want to be with Jesus in Heaven!" I said, you can! If you believe in Jesus you can be with him in Heaven when you die. And Jesus is with you on earth, through the Holy Spirit. I asked if you wanted to pray and tell Jesus that you believed in him. You said yes. I got Ababayeh from mowing, and he talked more with you and prayed with you. 

Then Ababayeh gave several scenarios of how much we love you, but how much more God loves you. 

I uploaded these photos, which were part of our recent photo shoot, but they made me think of tonight. I keep thinking of the song, "Go Tell It On the Mountain, Over the hills, and everywhere!" And I see you reading to your sister, or telling her about the book on your lap. I know that once you know and understand more of this Good News from God, you will want to tell it to people. Especially your sister. 

Go, Tegegne! Tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere...that Jesus Christ is King! Tell your story, and tell God's story through your life and through your voice!

Love,

Mom

What I'm Reading: And The Pause

Bringing Up Bebe - The Pause

So, I’m going to attempt to summarize a few of Pamela Druckerman’s findings as she researched parenting in France, specifically Paris, in her book Bringing Up Bebe. The first of which she named, The Pause.

A few weeks after she and her husband brought their daughter “Bean” home, neighbors on her courtyard began asking if Bean was “doing her nights?” What they meant was, is she sleeping through the night? She felt quite irritated by this question, and then she realized that culturally it’s a hot topic.

A lot of parents she knew in the US don’t get a good nights sleep until their child is about a year old. This idea is absurd to French parents. They realize that allowing a child to learn to sleep is doing the child a favor. So she looks into how they go about this. Many of the mothers she talks with say they just listen to their child. It’s a natural rhythm. They speak of being very observant with their children. She later finds that they have certain “unspoken rules” that are just a given to them. She terms it “La Pause.” When your baby is born, don’t just go to them at their every move. Even from birth, give them a moment to self-soothe. A mother isn’t strictly “observing” if she jumps up and holds the baby the moment he cries. Young babies make a lot of movements and noise while they’re sleeping. This is normal and fine.

Another reason for pausing is that babies wake up between their sleep cycles, which lasts about two hours. It’s normal for them to cry a bit when they’re first learning to connect these cycles. If a parent interprets this cry as a demand for food or a sign of distress and rushes in to soothe the baby, the baby will have a hard time learning to connect the cycles on his own.

Alexandra, whose daughters slept through the night while they were still in the hospital, says that of course she didn’t rush over to them the second they cried. She sometimes waited five or ten minutes before picking them up. She wanted to see whether they needed to fall back to sleep between sleep cycles or whether something else was bothering them: hunger, a dirty diaper, or just anxiety.

Alexandra--who wears her curly blond hair in a ponytail--looks like a cross between an earth mother and a high school cheerleader. She’s extremely warm. She wasn’t ignoring her newborn babies. To the contrary, she was carefully observing them. She trusted that when they cried, they were telling her something. During The Pause, she watched and listened. (She adds that there’s another reason for The Pause: “to teach them patience.”)


Most of the French babies sleep through the night by 4 months, and if not, at that point the pediatrician recommends some version of crying it out.

French parents don’t have a name for The Pause, they just consider it common sense. They all seem to do it and to remind each other that it’s critical. It’s such a simple thing. It’s clearing out the clutter of competing ideas and focusing on one thing that truly makes a difference.


(book, photo.)


Hi, it's me again. I hesitated to "summarize" The Pause because there are more examples and further explanation in her book. I share it anyway because I love the simplicity in keeping the "sleeping baby topic" so basic. Happy sleep to you and your family!


Love,


Kristyn

Different: But the Same

So I'm a little behind the rest of you, as I just finished reading The Help. Great story. I have a word for Miss Hilly and her Home Help Sanitation Initiative. 


Dear Miss Hilly,


I thought of you this morning as I was giving my children a bath. I had my African son and my American daughter in the same bath tub. I was thanking God that things here and now (in our family) are not the way they were in Mississippi in the 1960s. I mean, really ma'am. 


Sincerely,


Kristyn


So Tegegne, you watched part of this movie with me and I explained it in very simple terms. I really dread you knowing the reality of the way people were treated. (Your dad and I) also look forward to difficult conversations such as these because we know you will be interested and you will care. You care about people and you take their feelings to heart. Son, you will do great things and I pray that you can be an example of loving people equally. 


Love,


Mom

Happy Birthday: Mom and Dad

Our Twenties! Just one year left!

Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday Mommy and Ababayehhhhh,
Happy Birthday to You!


Taryn made me a birthday breakfast this morning! Delicious pancakes (blueberry yogurt multigrain) with the best chocolate milk!
Michael started his morning with 10 bags of gummy worms from his students! And we have a date tonight at a famous Italian restaurant in town. They give a complementary birthday chicken spiedini, which is what they are known for!


Some thoughts on being born. What a deal, huh? Everyone is born, yes? Born into a family. A mom and dad, or just a mom. Poverty, middle class, or wealth. Siblings or the first born. Some born into a country or race with privilege and freedom, others hardship and inequality. All born as teeny babies, that cry and sleep and want to be held. 


I'm thankful that I was born on the same day as my dear husband. Looking forward to our date tonight!


Love,


Kristyn